I have been bothered by, what I only know as, unnatural phenomena since my existance. I have never been able to properly describe it to anyone. So, starting at a very young age, I began trying to hide it instead of figure it out. I got less trouble this way. In 4th grade I was tested to see if I was “gifted”, short bus material. As soon as I heard the word “gifted”, I conveniently didn’t do so well on the test. By the age of 13, I found alcohol and it helped drop barriers in social interactions.
Over three decades my drinking got worse, one grieving process at a time. I am one of the unlucky one to get the disease of alcoholism. I got to the point the I was drinking so I wouldn’t get sick. It was not a good way to live and everything around me suffered.
I tried quitting in 2015 before a vacation. I now know it was withdrawls, but on the vacation I got scared when I was having a problem with hallucinations and a runny butt. I got the hallucinations by chugging 3 tall beers. This should have been a sign.
I tried quitting twice in 2016, both requiring a hospital stay. I guess I almost died twice from going cold turkey. 1st attempt I got 31 days and the 2nd I got 93 days, ending after Thanksgiving. I didnt want to die and needed help. My 3rd attempt I’m still working on, started 12-21-2016.