Afterthought

I’ve thought long and hard about writing this post. First off, I have no idea how to say it. Second, it needs to be said, but nobody is listening.

I’ve been trying to do the right thing, as suggested by others, and it is causing me to lose my mind. This process I’m dealing with medically is like a gold star to me. The superbowl trophy is being a family again. I need to get about 20 gold stars before the trophy. In three and a half years I owe stars instead of winning any.

It only gets better. On mother’s day I put in a request for my son to come out and camp in the fort. He conveniently became busy the whole summer long and didnt come see me. My wife hasn’t even called me in four months. I’m the one that calls her.

I called her on our wedding anniversary and she was shocked to hear from me. She answered the phone, “what’s up?”, like why are you calling? I replied happy anniversary.

I am no longer in the category of dad, so screw fathers day, video games are more important. I am no longer in the category of husband, so do even bother to call me to see if I want to go trick or treating with my son. I was in town already and bought a costume. I am in the afterthought catagory.

I don’t know what to do, say or when to do them. I know what being his age and not having a father is like. It sucks! I dont tell my counselors this, but PDA(public displays of affection) and PDH(public displays of happiness) are the main reasons I dont like to go out in public. Seeing others able to be happy or in a good relationship make me more depressed than anything. There isn’t a depression medication for this.

I can only imagine what stories he has been told about his father.

Stuck in the Upside Down

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